First Day Of School

Why doesn't it get any easier? I can remember what it was like for me the first time Christian went to school, Skye went to school, the first time either rode the bus, etc. Yes, I cried like a baby each and every time. Today Skye started the third grade and Christian started the 6th grade. Did I cry? Hell yes.

It wasn't that difficult for me to take Skye to her class. She didn't show an ounce of nervousness besides being too excited to sleep last night. She walked down that hallway with me at her side, her focus on the classes and kids around her, and walked me straight to her new classroom. She knew exactly where to go. She has always been like that though. She wanted me to take her to class and I was glad to do so, but she is so independant that she was ready to go on her own once we hit her classroom door. I got a quick kiss and off she went. I'm used to that from her as I have always been the one who hasn't been able to let go of that umbillical cord.

Taking Christian to school, well, that was a different story. It's always been harder on me to watch Skye go on her first day just because she is my baby girl. It's not that I am more attached to my daughter by any means, but because I know that she is my last and I want her to stay a little girl as long as I can. Today was a totally different scenario though.

Christian waited in the car for me to take Skye to class. Once I returned, off we went. We pulled up in front of the middle school and found a place to park. We got out and as we walked up to the front doors, Christian was already recognizing friends of his and saying hello as we passed by. We looked on the list and found Christian's homeroom class. We walked through the large front doors and immediately Christian said, "WOW!" at the size of the entrance. Walking down the halls and seeing all the kids going into their lockers (the halls were lines with them) was a huge reality slap in the face; my boy is growing up. I walked Christian to his class where his teacher smiled pleasantly and welcomes Christian into the classroom. There were a lot of kids already sitting at tables and his teacher told Christian he could sit wherever he liked in a very soft-spoken tone. Christian turned to me. For a second I hesitated because I didn't want to emberass him but I swallowed that feeling and kissed him on the cheek. Christian quickly turned his back to me and found his way through the classroom. I turned and as I walked down the empty hallways staring at the rows of lockers with fresh paint on them, I began to become overcome with worry and guilt. This is going to be such a huge change for Christian. Have I prepared him for this? Is he really ready? That's when the ultimate emotion rushed over me; I HAVE TO LET HIM GO. I walked to my car as fast as I could and headed off to work. I tried to calm myself down but I couldn't stop (and still can't) the tears from coming.

I have faith in my son and I know I am blessed with two very strong children. I know that middle school was a huge adjustment and difficult time in MY life but I have to remember that my kids are not me and that I need to make sure I am there for them as much as possible to walk them through these adjustments. Ok, this is causing me to get upset again so I will write more when I am not such a basket case lol.