Some Texas Humor.....

> The owner of a golf course in Texas was confused about paying an
>invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
> He called her into office and said, 'You graduated from University
>of Texas and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus
>14%, how much would you take off?"
> "Everything but my earrings."
>
> (You gotta' love those Texas Gals.)
>
>====================================================== = =
>
> A group of Texas friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos
>for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering

>under the weight of an 8-point buck.
> "Where's Henry?" the others asked.
> "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up
>the trail," the successful hunter replied.
> "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they
>inquired.
>"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to
>steal Henry!"
>
>========================================================
>
> A University of Texas senior from Oklahoma was overheard saying,
>"When the end of the world comes, I hope to be back in Oklahoma."
> When asked why, he stated that everything happens there 20 years
>later than in the rest of the civilized world.
>
>========================================== == ============
>
> The young Texan came running into the store and said to his buddy,
>"Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
> Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
> The young Texan answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license
>number."
>
>========================================================
>
>NEWS FLASH! -
>
> Texas worst air disaster occurred when a small 2-seat Cessna 150
>plane, piloted by 2 Texas A&M students, crashed into a College Station

>cemetery earlier today.
> Search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and
>expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
> The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery
> efforts.
>
>========================================================
>
> A Texas State trooper pulled over a Oklah oma pickup on I-35.
> The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
> The driver replied, "Bout' whut?"
>
>========================================================
>
> A Texan had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and
>proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one
behind it.
> Then he got back in the car to wait.
> A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he
>turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
> The man replied, "I have a flat tire."
> The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
> The man responded, "When you break down, they tell you to put
>flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it
either.
>
>=======================================================
>
> A visiting minister prayed during the offertory prayer
>
> "Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on
>his upturned face, "Without You, we are but dust "
> He would have continued; but, at that moment, one very obedient
>little girl (who was listening carefully for a change) leaned over to
>her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice,
>"Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"
>
> (Church was pretty much over at that point)